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July 08th 2007

No, I'm not done yet. I'm still trying to find myself because I don't know me anymore. The past few weeks were absolutely horrible. I don't know what's going on, but everything I try to create puts an enormous amount of pressure on me. Everything feels empty. I can't go on like this. It will take another while until you will be able to see and hear something from me again.

Until then, I bid you farewell... May the best things happen to you in your life.

June 15th 2007

With support from a lot of sides - for which I can't be thankful enough - I've recovered from what happened a few days ago. Still, it was good that it happened because it put me on the right track again. I needed that slap in the face to realize what I have to do and what I have to focus on. It was a slap in the face by a high speed train and it shook me up quite a bit, but I guess that's what was needed to wake me up again. Also, it made me realize just how many people are supporting me with their thoughts, and I think this alone makes everything I've done to get those people to know me absolutely worthwhile.

So, again thank you all. I don't know where I would be without you showing me that I'm at least sometimes doing something right.

I still need a break from a lot of things, as I'm not nearly as stable as I would want myself to be. I started distracting myself a bit with various stuff that my mind wanted to do, such as the new version of the IAD Sound Designer (a list of changes can be found in the IAD Making Of) and playing games like Etrian Odyssey.

As for the real life problems that caused what happened, I think I'll manage to get through it unharmed. There has been a lot of talk and discussions family-wise and I'm glad that we have persons that are going to support us in our upcoming rough times.

I realize now that the past few months I've tried to be somebody which I'm not supposed to be, and now I feel like I know my true self again. Just wait and see what that means for you.

June 12th 2007

Because of some personal problems I can't tell when the last HQA Comics will be added. I've had a serious depression attack yesterday and I hurt both of my hands, so drawing is a bit difficult. A lot of things are going to change in the next few months, and money is one of the problems I'm facing. I don't know whether I'll be able to make music as much as I was able to do in the past. Actually that counts for all projects of mine. I just don't know what to do. But I guess there's a solution for everything...

June 05th 2007

I've posted another entry for the I'm a Dragon project.

For those two people who care, there won't be any comics for the rest of the week, I'm going on a short (needed) vacation.

June 03rd 2007

Muddasheep's Daydream Part 11

When was the last time you felt absolutely confident? It happened to me two weeks ago when I was standing on the train station in Wels on my way home (the same train station that inspired me to create Patience, by the way). I was just standing there, saw little grass spots between the tracks in front of me, a slight breeze stroke my skin, it was warm, it was quiet. I felt that this moment could last forever. I closed my eyes and tried to live the moment to full extend. I smiled a little. I felt that I wanted to go away. Anywhere. Away from the stressful world I am a part of. Just step into a train and let myself carry away. Visit all of Europe. Step into a plane, visit the world.

I plan to go to Japan one day. The only thing that's keeping me from doing that right now is money. It's either visiting Japan for one week, or buying two high class laptops. I want to visit Iceland, Ireland, Sweden, Scotland. I want to be there, standing on my two feet, listening to the surroundings, close my eyes and feel confident. I need more distraction of the fact that we're part of a stressful world. I hate stress, I see frustrated people everywhere. Embittered faces, sadness carved deep below their eyes. They probably haven't felt confidence in many years.

I can't wait to see how The Secret World turns out. An MMORPG set in our current real life world sounds rather promising.




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